Oh Tigger, where are your manners? I don’t know, but I bet they’re having more fun than I am!
I don’t know about you, but pandemic living has put quite a damper on my usual propensity for dining out. We have always taken our children with us to most places (even fancy restaurants), because we want them to get used to a variety of experiences and know how to behave, but also because we thoroughly enjoy their company. As we prepare for our own upcoming vacation, I’m realizing that we may need to do more than just pack our bags — we might have to work on table manners, too. Coming from dinners with the dress code “pants optional,” accompanied by a regrettable soundtrack of digestive noises, I see a little room for improvement before we dine in public (heaven help us).
I have heard this same sentiment from a few of my Guests traveling with young children, so if you, like me, have let things slide a little in the decorum department (who can blame us?), today’s blog post is for you, written with love. My sister-in-law and I have workshopped these ideas with our own kids. If you find them helpful, you might also refer back to the entry from November 3, on helping our little ones wait in line patiently. Maybe teaching our kids to dine in public and wait in line sounds silly, but I’ll happily risk that silliness in favor of having well prepared, confident kids, and the ability to enjoy a variety of experiences with them as a result.
Before we brave a public dining room, I think we’ll first consult that hallowed hound, that prized pup, Bluey. Season two, episode seventeen, entitled “Fancy Restaurant” makes a great, humorous jumping-off point for a family discussion on how we should behave when we’re enjoying a meal in public. I like to first ask our kids for their input, and sometimes make a list of things they think we should do when dining out, and things we definitely should not do (this part can get a little crazy and fun). Once we’ve done that, I’ll make sure to include any behaviors I know they might specifically struggle with or need to be reminded of: “I know it’s fun, but let’s not blow bubbles in our drinks when we’re in public.” “If you need help cutting your food, you can ask Mom or Dad for help.” “Remember to use your napkin, we don’t want to wipe food on our clothes.” Whatever brand of cute-but-not-appropriate that your kids do, this is a good time to address it. They might not remember it all, but it’s good to have already introduced these ideas at home, in a low-stakes environment.
Next, we’ll model this behavior. My kids use their play kitchen most days, so this fits right in with their regularly scheduled play time. They can wait on me, in which case I will make sure to be a terrible customer so they can help me by suggesting how I can improve my behavior. You can keep this purely fun and silly, or also use it as a time to engage their empathy: “Imagine how the restaurant workers might feel if we made a really big mess at dinner.” “When we’re in a restaurant, we should think about how loud our voices are to the people around us. We can have fun without being too loud.”
If your kids don’t have much restaurant experience, once you’ve laid the groundwork with these play activities, it’s time to road-test your new knowledge. For your first experience, I would recommend that you go to a fast food restaurant with a dining room (these can be hard to find right now, so you might need to do some scouting first). This way, you can leave right away when your child loses interest. We want this first outing to be a resounding success if at all possible.
This is a good place to practice staying seated at the table, and trying not to knock silverware/food/etc. onto the floor. We always try to focus on verbally encouraging our children during and after these experiences: “I had so much fun eating with you! You were very polite and patient.” You get to build their confidence and familiarity with dining out, while also building your relationship together. What a joy!
Now that three of my four kids can read, we also like to review menus with them, and have them practice ordering: “Try to use a loud, clear voice when you’re ordering, and make eye contact with the server. Remember to say please and thank you.” Once they order, even (especially) if they needed help, again it’s time to encourage them and praise that effort. This can be an intimidating step for some kids.
If you are preparing specifically for Disney restaurants, they will usually have nicely themed kids menus for your little ones to color and draw on. My kids have brought a treasure trove of these home from vacation, and continue to play with them long after. You might pack some special crayons or pencils specifically to use in restaurants, or for littler ones, toys that attach to the table or high chair so they can’t be dropped on the floor. We like to play games like “I Spy” at the table, or just enjoy noticing the details of the room where we’re eating, especially in Disney’s themed restaurants. This is also a great time to review what you’ve enjoyed doing so far that day, and what you’re looking forward to doing next. If your little ones are getting restless waiting for food to arrive, one adult from your party can take them for a quick walk around the restaurant just to stretch their legs. This has worked well for my kids in the past, and is usually just enough of a break for them. If we think about it, we’ll leave an encouraging note on the table for our server when we leave. The kids really enjoy making those.
If your meal-time musings could use a little inspiration, my children and I have dreamed up 24 Disney-related “travel topics” for you to discuss together. At the bottom of this page, there is a mobile version that you can save to your phone, or a printable version you can cut out if you don’t abide cellular devices at your table. Some questions mention Disney characters by name; feel free to swap those out with your favorite characters so you have new things to discuss. Some questions might lead you down a pretty zany thought path with your creative kids. I think you should follow them as far down those rabbit-holes as they will take you. Our hope is that our questions give you a springboard for asking thoughtful questions and receiving thoughtful answers (that might also make you laugh).
This last point is personal to our parenting philosophy, but I will share it in case it may resonate with you, too. If not, that’s okay! Especially in social situations, we do not place any stipulations on the amount our children eat. We realize that they may be overstimulated or distracted, and we also make it very clear that they are the boss of what they choose to eat. It’s our job to provide opportunities, and to help them choose nourishing food. They gauge the amount they need. Usually the first meal of the trip will be a good litmus test for us in making sure they don’t over-order going forward, but most Disney resorts have a mini-fridge in the room so you can store leftovers for when your kids are inevitably famished at midnight. So, if they don’t touch their meal, we don’t make a big deal of it. We’ll remind them “your next opportunity to eat is ____, so if you’ll be hungry before then you might want to eat a little more,” and then we leave the decision to them. If they don’t eat much, I will be mindful to have snacks with me, or to give them an opportunity to make up for it later. At this phase of parenting, my primary goal for dining in restaurants is that they will learn to enjoy it, and that they can do so (relatively) politely. We can always address wastefulness later, if needed. In the long game of parenting, we have time for that.
Hopefully these ideas will help your family to feel prepared to truly enjoy your next restaurant experience. Before you sit down, remember to revisit your expectations for a successful meal, and encourage your children that they are ready and capable. Afterward, make sure to celebrate each of their successes — even if it didn’t go perfectly, I’m sure there was something they did that you can acknowledge positively.
With a little practice, I’m confident that even the swanky meals we have planned for our next vacation can go off without a hitch, and that they will add to the happy memories we’ll all bring home with us.
“Ma chère Mademoiselle, it is with deepest pride
And greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight
And now we invite you to relax
Let us pull up a chair as the dining room proudly presents
Your dinner!”
-Lumiere
Click on this icon to download the mobile version of the WDW Travel Topics to your phone.
Click on this icon to download the printable version of the WDW Travel Topics.
